The Indian legacy lives on. In olden times the men were farmers and they needed a cook. So girls were trained to do the cooking. In the IT age guys needs someone who can cook and also understand the market, so we educate girls. How many of the Indian parents escape this mentality? (Or even bother!)
Where I come from they educate girls, thank u very much. We hardly have any gals from the current generation who is solely a housewife (as the future in laws welcome extra income out there). I have this much to thank for. And thus in spite of being from a traditional family I did not ruffle any feathers (not much I suppose) coming away to the north where we had no relatives (hard to find such a place these days!).
My father made no distinction between a daughter and a son, so I was given the freedom to choose. The choice of friends, and places I want to be. The choice of what I should become was made by him. My inclination was towards fashion designing. And this certainly was not something someone from our background opted for. The excuses were many: too competitive a field( I can handle it), no job security (I will manage), Delhi is not safe( I got friends there), not a respectable profession(Whoa!!!!!), we(dad, mom, grandma, uncle ,aunts,….) don’t like it(??!!!!!!??....@). So I went (read ‘was packed and sent’) for Computer engineering.
These reasons exasperated me at the time and I have not yet forgiven my dad for doing this to me. True I got a high paying job and independence and all that jazz.
These are quite important for me now (especially the independence). I am a person who can enjoy things I do, so I do love my job (but hey fashion world ... u r not rid of me yet! I have plans hehehehe). Now, now …that is not the topic of our discussion here.
My father faces the next big hurdle-finding a guy. I got engaged and as fate would have it the relationship did not work out. So we are back to square one. Till date I have contacted 8 guys in one way or the other(if u count my Ex-fiancé) for getting to know them (read ‘to see if they fit the criteria’). Please note that my parents do not keep the count of the people they meet.
The first guy was too short (Aha! That’s why my family did not appreciate me being too tall.). The second guy was the one I got engaged to (and later broke up with). The third guy was too shy to speak. The fourth guy was again too short for me; moreover his mom thought that her son could do better (she was one of those kinds who come to your house and stare you down their nose. I don’t know how she managed this as I was an odd 5 inches taller than her- we know who she passed on that lovely height to, don’t we?). The fifth guy’s father did not like me (I think! as he is the one who saw me. Funny; this guy wanted to meet me a full month after his father’s meeting. I did not bother to meet the slow coach. What made him think I was waiting around?). The sixth guy’s sister’s sisters-in-law’s aunt came to see me. He happened to be an IAS officer and what more can be said about that. The seventh guy’s dad and brother saw me and that was the end. His father was looking for a gold medalist (as his son was one in the 5th grade, 6th grade…., engineering and MS) I inferred from the discussion. Now I see why I could not become an archeologist (my 3rd grade ambition), a journalist (my all time favourite), a designer (my passion). These are not what families like ours look for in their daughter-in-law. The 8th guy had an MBBS, MD, DCH and no brains. The less said the better.
Most of these guys are settled way down south or are ever striving to work in a company in their backyard (very impressive!).
Sometimes my mom gets so mad that she asks me to find the guy I want. But this is not quite possible you see (and it certainly is not a sincere plea, mind you). I have a knack of getting attracted to guys I can’t marry (all those criteria, remember? We sure do have a lot of scope for a love marriage in here, don’t we?).
My whole life has been designed so as to please some male ego enough for him to want me (there was a period (of about 15 yrs) in my life when my dad tried to force the veil on me). How very inspiring. It almost makes me want to live (to run the clock faster to get over with this fiasco they call life.)
Now we have the cream of the matter. I have to shift my job and place to somewhere south (I am not excited about this... please underline that). If I remember correctly what my dad wanted, it was a secure job- high paying and all the cream on the pie and then of course my happiness. Now when I have all this and more, they want me to quit. Go south (where I don’t like it). And why? Because guys can’t come north and check me out? My marriage can’t happen? How much more absurd can life get?
So if any of you sitting out there imagine me (my head in a veil) sitting down south in front of a comp from 8:30 to 5:30… think again. I am going to rock my life. And I am not budging.
This reminds me, I am meeting the 9th guy pretty soon. Wish me luck.
2 comments:
Rebelious thoughts but written with confidence exploiting all the freedom this forum provides.
It's time the society comes out of this gender dominance theory. Years back, women were the seen as objects that could provide only service to man and nothing else, they had no right to do what they wanted to do.
I believe that present day females exercise the same right as the males do; at least in the society I live in. As a child a lot of my demands were turned down as opposed to my sisters. Be it a boy or Girl, parents are concerned about their secured future, I wanted to become a fighter pilot and landed in a Software Industry coz my family was against it. Parents are more worried about the female child coz they are more vulnerable; can be hurt easily emotionally as well as physically.
Its time we carefully look at the world around us and ascertain if the females are not given a fair chance.
My parents are looking for a girl for me. Just that the meetings have not started but are @ the doorstep. I am sure if i dont find a soulmate for myself I would end up being rejected by some females and then rejecting some females in turn. Hence as there is "A girl for marriage" so is "A boy for marriage".
It's not about the Gender alone. It's about how we see marriage as the ultimatum to anything and everything(most of the time).
This is true for girls to a large extent.
Because there are things u do in life for other reasons, than looking at whether this would cause a hindrance to marrying the kind of person the rest of the family would see fit.
If u read my last para u will understand that the only reason my parents want me to shift down south is to see more number of prospective grooms.
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